21 Night Stand

Why do guys have to be such dicks?! A guy asked me out today, but I wasn't sure. I haven't been on a real date in YEARS. So I asked if I could let him know. It's not that I wasn't interested, but I'm not sure I want to start dating.

(Intermission: I was so busy at work today! If I could do nothing but Excel work - charts, tables, gathering the data, formatting...I ❤ all that stuff! I got so much done today and I felt very productive.)

It was almost the end of the day and I'm anal about things, so I was printing out my presentation to make sure it was flawless and of course Mr. D was there. He asked how I was doing, blah, blah, blah. One of the IT guys was w him and him and I get along really well, we have the same sense of humor and neither of us takes ourselves too seriously. On my way back, I stopped at Ms. A's cube and I said, "Do you know if Mr. D is married?" (Yeah, I just had a weird feeling.) She asked why and I made up an excuse that he looked like the ex-husband of someone I used to work with. Well, it turns out, YES. HE. IS. MARRIED.

I'm so happy that I didn't say yes! Obviously he doesn't know who I am. I am not the one.

Want to hear something else unbelievable? Two people were suspended from my mom's job. FOR HAVING SEX IN THE BATHROOM!! I'm not sure what's worse...having sex at work or in the bathroom?! I can't say I've ever been so 'in the mood' that I actually thought, "Meet me in the bathroom in 2 minutes!"

Irony: everyone used to think my ex-husband was the evil one in the family (he was as far as being abusive). But the other two sister-in-laws sure know what I went through with the cheating because his oldest brother is cheating on his wife. Yep, first his twin brother, now the older brother too. So much for him being the bad seed. I guess it runs in the family.

Moral: Don't think that it can't happen to you! Also, don't judge because you never know what's around the corner.

Pink Cashmere

I Hate U!

Work is good. Life is good. I miss my old life - being someone's wife. I don't miss my ex though because no one sane would miss being abused. It's nice that I can say anything, do anything and no one is going to fly off the handle and hit me for it.

The girls are happy too, which is the most important thing. Bri will be in high school this fall. How can my 'baby' be going into high school? It isn't possible!

I started reading this blog about a woman (27 at the time) who lost her husband in a car accident. She is an awesome writer and I felt her pain. I don't know what it's like for my husband to die. But the therapist said a divorce is like a death - the death of your marriage. You go through the 7 stages of grief. But in reading her blog, its no where close. My ex is out there somewhere, and even though I have no desire to see him or contact him, there's a possibility that we could run into each other.

I wonder what God has in store for me? I'm so impatient and I want to know things n.o.w. I hate waiting. I hate wondering. But I have to be content with things and I am.

Pink Cashmere

Count The Days

I'm so excited for the day to get here, I can hardly wait. Things have been rough, but not as rough as I'm used to so I'm doing very well. Mike and I are going strong. He's my rock right now and I don't know what I'd do without him. He makes me laugh, think and keeps me on my toes. He also showed me what a real man is and I will forever be indebted to him for that.

Last night I spent the night at his place because he's on vacay. I can't wait to move in together because I know we're going to have a lot of fun. We've already found the place and we just need to wait until the lease is up and then it will be what I call The Bi-Racial Brady Bunch!

I think I'm going to call the court tomorrow to see if we can get in sooner than 6/30. I want this damn divorce over and done with. I should've filed a long time ago and I'd be single right now. Damn, I could kick myself for not doing it, but oh well.

I'm beat. I had to be up at 5:30 am to get home and get the girls off to school. I wish I could've come home to sleep, but I had work to do, so I didn't get to. But now, I'm ready.

A Woman`s Gotta Have It

But not this one! At least not until my divorce is final. I have put a moratorium on my sex life until 6/30/10, which is "D Day". I could have been divorced last Monday, but I was in a safe room, waiting for my name to be called and they never came to get me, so our case was moved to 6/30. I told Mike that we would not be having sex until then. He is okay with that (how cool is he??)

So she screwed herself by being in court (I have a restraining order). Mike and I aren't in "Marriage Mode" so we weren't mad, but we did get a HUGE laugh out of it. I wish that he could have been there, but he had to work. I have to go tomorrow for the RO and he has to work tomorrow too, even though it's technically his day off.

Tonight, we're having dinner and a movie ("Avatar") but I'm not looking forward to it because "Avatar" sucks ass!! I am looking forward to family time though. I'm making stir-fry, fried rice and sake. I love Dontaue, Mike (Mike's son) and of course Mike. He loves Chiara, Brianne and of course me!

Last night was Bi-Racial Brady Bunch family night too. We watched the first 9m4d3h of "Avatar", ate pizza, wings and had Smirnoff and candy. I'm happy that I didn't fall asleep watching the movie (OK, I was hoping I would fall asleep watching the movie. I tried everything in my powers to fall asleep but I was so cold, I couldn't.)

Well, I need to start dinner. I wish I had Tylenol PM...

I Wanna Tell U A Bedtime Story Baby

About a girl
About a boy
And all their joy
All the joy they show each other

How to stay in love
How to stay so happy
So many things
So many things
I'm gonna do.

I kind of like the days when Mike is too tired to do anything but sleep because we have deep, meaningful conversations then. Not that we don't talk otherwise, but then there's no expectation of anything else, so we just enjoy talking to each other. Don't get me wrong, the sex is mind-blowing! I don't want to get to a place where we stop talking, learning and growning. I keep stressing that to him so that he knows that I don't want things to go wrong between us. He really is the perfect man for me and after waiting so long for God to bring him into my life, I want him here with me, forever. I mean, really, that's not too much to ask, is it?

So, as we talked, I told him a bedtime story. I love that this relationship has no pressure. We're there for each other and neither of us has unreal expectations. Therefore, the story I told him was about all the things I want to do for him and how I want things to always be a two-way street, where we can be together, but we don't always have to be physically together. I will give him his room and he will give me mine. Even once we move in together, we can still have "me" time, so that the time that we are together are special. I don't want a repeat of my marriage where he did his thing, I did mine and we very seldom met in the middle except for sex. I was busy taking care of everything while he was off having fun and none of the responsibility of being a husband, father and step-father.

I know that Mike won't be like that because he is so hands on with his sons and daughter and even with my two girls. Shoot, if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't even be together. I need to thank them every day! It feels good to be in love. Finally in love and not lust or obligation. I love Mike with everything and he loves me right back!

I'm So Excited

This has been a great week for Mike and I. He asked me to move in with him and I said yes! I'm moving at the end of this month. We spend so much time together already, and I can't wait to be in the same house with him. He keeps bringing up the "m" word, but I'm not ready for that, and quite frankly, I don't think he is either. My divorce isn't final yet and he's only been divorced since September. I'm so happy and lucky to have him.

He is a complete 180 from the kind of guy I usually date. He treats me like a queen. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves having me in his life. Yes, he's even said those, three words, "I love you." I was a little skeptical of hearing it because it is so unlike my previous relationship. I told him that it freaked me out, especially when he said it while we were making love. But, when he kept saying it, outside of the bedroom, then I got used to it.

He just goes above and beyond what I have ever had. I told him that I'm not used to being taken care of and that's what he does. He had to sit me down and say, "Listen, I'm not going anywhere. I'm never going to hit you and while I can't promise we won't fight, because we will, I don't ever want to lose you." What?? I'm was blown away. An adult relationship where I can feel free to talk and not be in fear of being beat? This is what I've been waiting for!

So, when he asked me to move in with him, I said yes. I enjoyed being a wife, when things were good, and while those days were few and far between (he couldn't fit me in while he was cheating and doing drugs!) I want that again. I told Mike to expect a lot from me because I enjoy cooking and cleaning, doing laundry, etc. Plus he works 14-16 hour days and why should he have to come home and do those things?

Finally, my life seems to be going in the right direction. God really does answer your prayers when you're patient.

Pink Cashmere

I LOVE YOU! WTF?!

Here's a little hint guys: don't tell a woman that you're in the middle of having sex with, that you love her! It completely throws off their rhythm. Trust. Really, it was awkward, especially since I'm not an "ILY" type and hearing it makes my skin hurt. Yes, every square inch of it, especially when I should be enjoying myself! Honestly, how the hell is a man going to say those three words: In. The. Middle. Of. Sex?! Oh, and it wasn't a mistake because he said it more than once. Sure, love aspects of my body or what I'm doing, but not me and not during sex. Am I weird or is this not the time to say that? I'm old fashioned so I've never done certain things: had sex on the first date, had a one-night stand and hearing it so soon makes me anxious. I didn't know what to do/say, so I didn't say anything. "Ditto" came to mind, but I thought that would be even more weird then him saying it to me.

Even with the verbal slip of the tongue, we still ended up having a great time. Yes, I really like him, but I'm not at the love stage yet because I don't know him well enough.

Pink Cashmere